Watching the same kinds of things I used to love as a teenager is evoking a lot of feelings.
The kinds of media that evoked my attention were ones filled with love and deep psychological suffering. The more the media had the two of these, the more I loved it.
I thought this media was a masterpiece. I thought it portrayed the truth of the human condition. I even played with stories inside my brain that portrayed the exact same kind of theme: love mixed with deep psychological suffering. I would make up characters that were deeply in love, and try to figure out ways to psychologically break them in the worst way possible. Growing up, I did this, over and over again.
I never realized until now, but this portrayed how I felt inside. This media was a reflection of my inner world: which was someone who loved deeply, but was psychologically suffering for it.
I never understood how other people never liked this media. I never understood how people couldn’t feel this kind of media on a deep level. I understand now- and it’s because we are all just living in our own realities.
Our favorite media, our favorite songs, our favorite TV shows, are reflections of our inner reality. They are physical manifestations of it.
This is evoking so much compassion inside of me. I can’t believe that this is how I felt inside. And watching this show now, is causing me a lot of heavy feelings of sadness. I can’t believe I used to feel like that inside. I used to suffer so much, on a daily, and…
I’m no longer suffering. I’ve changed from the inside out, and I’m continuing to change.. I don’t want anyone else to suffer like I have. I want to help people.
While its true that life is suffering, it’s also true that life is joyful. Because we suffer, we can experience joy. And I need to show people this joy. There’s no need to cling to our suffering any longer. There’s no need to be anywhere but the moment.
It doesn’t matter what circumstance you are in, the capacity for joy is there.
It’s always, always there.
What is your favorite media? How does it reflect how you see the world?